The 12 DigiPains of Christmas
by BandGeek99
Summary: It's Christmas time and the DigiDestined get pretty fed up with some of the pains that come with it. A funny Digified look on the 12 Pains of Christmas. Merry Chirstmas, its my gift from me to you! Please Read and review!


**I love this song. I love Digimon. What's gonna happen now, eh? (does weird thing with hands like "oooooh!") Anywayz, its Christmas and I decided that this would be perfect for another Christmas story. There will be some Davis bashing, but, eh, that's life.**

**Kenny: (to no one in particular) I LOVE YOU DAVIIIIIIS!**

**Me: O.o You **_**do**_** know that you're supposed to say, "I LOVE YOU DYLAAAAAAN!" right? Or, even better, "JOSH, YOU ARE MY HEART AND SOUL AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!"**

**Kenny: Yeah, but I like this better. DAVIS YOU ARE MY LIFE!**

**Me: Whatever. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my newest Christmas story!**

**000**

_**The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me  
Is finding a Christmas tree**_

Tai sighed as he watched the girls fuss over the perfect Christmas tree to bring back to the dorm house. This was number one on the list of most annoying things about Christmas.

"I hate finding a God damn Christmas tree," Matt said in an undertone to the Bearer of Courage, sipping his Pepsi with obvious disdain at the cold.

"Ditto, man. I hate the commercialism and the lighting competitions between neighbors and… if it weren't for the fact that we all get together, I'd be at home and saying, 'Ah, screw the holidays'. But I love the holidays cuz we're all together and there's ham and turkey."

"Don't forget cookies," Davis added. "Cookies and candies."

"How could you have possibly forgotten something so important, Tai?" Matt said sarcastically.

"Meeeeeat…" Tai moaned, licking his lips and closing his eyes. Visions of beautiful plates of beef, turkey, and ham flashed across his mind. And then an image of Sora in the skimpy bikini that she wore to the beach that past summer…

"Tai, Tai, Earth to Tai! Are you alive?" TK asked, waving his hand in front of the twenty-three-year-old's face.

The brunette snapped back to attention. "Huh?"

"WE FOUND THE PERFECT TREE!"

The men looked over towards Kari, Sora, and Mimi who were jumping up and down around a ginormous tree.

Davis did a classic anime sweatdrop and Tai scratched the back of his head.

"How do you think they're gonna get that on top of the car, not to mention into the dorm?" TK asked his older brother.

Matt shook his head, still staring at the girls. "I've no idea."

_**The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:**__  
Angry husband: __**Rigging up the lights  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

TK held up the tangle of wires and gave it a funny look. "So let me get this straight," he told Kari. "You want me to put these up so that we can win the neighborhood competition?"

She nodded, giving her boyfriend a huge, hopeful smile.

He sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll put them up. Now you gotta help Matt and Tai with the Christmas tree, they'll be looking to find a place to put it up.

Kari nodded and left.

TK turned to face the house and groaned. This particular dorm home had two front porches, a back porch, three balconies, and two chimneys. Kari had instructed him to decorate them all with lights. This was gonna take a while.__

_**The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me  
**__Man getting over being drunk: __**Hangovers  
Rigging up the lights  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

_A few hours later…_

Davis groaned and slumped back onto the couch. "Oh, god, I feel awful," he moaned. "I shouldn't have had those beers last night…"

"That's what you get for being a dumbass," Yolie sighed, throwing him some Advil.

Davis moaned, took some of the medicine, and fell asleep.__

_**The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me  
**__Exhausted man: __**Sending Christmas cards  
Hangovers  
Rigging up the lights  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

Izzy groaned and slumped over the table. He'd been assigned the job of writing out Christmas cards for all of the DDs. That meant his hand would be sore for ever.

"Almost done, Izzy?" Kari asked, poking her head into the room.

"Not even close."

Kari gave him a sympathetic look. "Well, if you need anything, we'll be scattered around the house."

Izzy nodded and Kari shut the door to the kitchen._**  
**__  
__**The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me  
Five months of bills!  
Sending Christmas cards  
Hangovers  
Rigging up the lights  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

Tai shook his head, rocking back and forth on the edge of his bed. "No… not the bills… no…"

Sora heard him from down on the second floor and ran up the rickety stairs to his room to see what was going on.

He was now hunched in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, whispering, "The bills, the bills are out to get me!" A few tears streamed down his well-tanned face.

It dawned upon Sora that he was having holiday flashbacks. There had been five months of bills.

"Aw, Tai, hun, its okay. We haven't gotten any bills yet, and whatever they are, they can't be as bad as last years."

Tai sniffed and nodded.

"Do you need a hug?"

He stretched out his arms like a four-year-old looking to be picked up.

Sora sat down on the bed next to him and hugged him.

He eventually stopped and gave Sora a weak smile. "Thanks, Sor."

"Don't mention it," she replied, giving him a peck on the cheek. She stood back up. "I'm going shopping, you can call me on my cellular device if you need me."

He smiled at the way she said "cellular device" – she sounded very cute. "Okay. See you."_**  
**__  
__**The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:  
**__Nervous wife: __**Facing my in-laws  
Five months of bills!  
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!  
Hangovers  
Rigging up these lights!  
And finding a Christmas tree  
**_

Yolie sat at the dining room table sobbing. "My in-laws are coming! I don't wanna have them here!"

Ken walked over and started rubbing her back gently. "It's okay, sweetheart. I know they can be a little… demanding… but I'll help you through it."

She sniffed. "You're right, you're right. Now Sora's going shopping, I want you to go with her. She's going to pick something up for Tai, I want you to get everything on this grocery list."

Ken sighed and nodded. "Yes, Yolie."

_  
__**The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:  
**__Nervous wife's husband: __**The Salvation Army  
Facing my in-laws  
Five months of bills!  
Sending Christmas cards  
Oh, geez!  
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

Sora and Ken had parted ways in the parking lot and Ken started heading towards the Wal-Mart Supercenter on the other side of the plaza.

The twenty-year-old sighed and made his way through the crowds and was half way in the door when-

_Ring, ring! Ding-a-ling-a-ling!_

He groaned. The Salvation Army was something that he hated to donate to but could never pass by without putting money in the bucket. That drove him insane because he didn't like to waste money. Not that this was wasting, but, hey, he was a college student with a wife to support. He couldn't just go giving away money all of the time.

He felt himself dump in a few quarters against his will.

"Merry Christmas, sir," said the little girl who was ringing with her mother.

He gave the girl a half smile and replied, "Happy Holidays." The dark-haired man then shoved his hands into his pockets and continued inside. He needed to find about 40 different things for Yolie to cook for the in-laws and for all of the food for the other DDs. He groaned. This was going to be one long trip. _**  
**__  
__**The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:  
**__Whining kid: __**I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!  
Charities!  
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?  
Five months of bills!  
Oh, making out these cards  
Honey, get me a beer, huh?  
What, we have no extension cords?!?  
And finding a Christmas tree  
**_

Joe sighed and led his three-year-old son Daniel through the department store. He had missed his nap that afternoon and was a bit grouchy. He complained that his dad never took him anywhere, and so Joe was stuck with taking him Christmas shopping.

"Ho, ho, ho! Meeeeeeery Christmas!"

Joe spotted the store's Santa. "Hey, buddy, do you want to go see Santa?"

"Sanna!" Daniel shrieked with delight and tugged on his dad's hand. "Kin I go see Sanna? Please?"

Joe smiled gently and said, "Sure, Danny. Let's go see Santa."

When his son finally reached the beginning of the line, Joe watched him run along the carpet and up the steps to Santa.

One of Santa's "elves" helped the eager boy onto the man's lap.

"Hello, little boy! What's your name?" Santa asked kindly.

"I'm Danny!"

"What would you like for Christmas, Danny?"

Danny was excited. "I wanna Transformer fer Christmas!"

Santa laughed heartily. "I'll be sure to tell the elves up at the North Pole!"

"Thanks, Sanna!"

He laughed again. "You're sure welcome, Danny. Merry Christmas!" The man in red handed the little boy a candy cane and sent him back to his father.

Joe took his son's hand and led him back to the grocery carriage. "Did you tell Santa what you want for Christmas?"

"Yea! I wanna Transformer fer Crissmiss!" Danny said excitedly.

"Maybe Santa will bring you one," Joe said nervously, knowing that Tai had already bought one for him.

_  
__**The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me  
**__A tired father: __**Finding parking spaces  
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!  
Donations!  
Facing my in-laws  
Five months of bills!  
Writing out those Christmas cards  
Hangovers!  
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

Mimi groaned and hit her head repeatedly against the window. All she wanted to do was run into a McDonalds and buy a Big Mac to go.

She found out that the drive-through windows had been frozen shut.

"Okay," she reasoned. "I'll just walk in and buy a burger."

She drove through the parking lot four times trying to find a place to park. Nobody was leaving.

She finally just slammed her fist on the horn, fed up with the idiots who were eating in their cars and not opening up God-damn parking spaces._****_

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:  
_A mother: __**"Batteries Not Included"  
No parking spaces  
BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!  
Get a job, ya bum!  
Oh, facing my in-laws!  
Five months of bills!  
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards  
Oh, geez, look at this!  
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!  
And finding a Christmas tree  
**_

Sora made her way through Macys trying to find a Universal Remote for her boyfriend. It was driving her insane.

She found herself winding through the toy department and spotted something that would make his jaw drop. It was little action figures of the Younger Generation of DigiDestineds and of the original team as well. "Oh my God," she whispered. "This is… amazing!"

She picked up a little model of a fifteen-year-old Tai. It was exactly like him in all ways. "He'd love these!"

She dropped an entire set into her carriage and smiled as she recounted some memories, like the time that Tai had tried to "fix" Izzy's laptop. He'd just ended up hitting his head on a cement wall, but the memory of the look on his face was priceless.

She made her way along, eyes peeled for something else that would deem him speechless.

Sora had gone through three aisles of toys when she found something that'd make him so happy he'd cry: a life-size, talking, battery powered Agumon.

She grinned and lifted it into her carriage. Tai would love this.

And then she saw the tag. _"Six D-sized batteries are needed to power this toy."_

"_Okay,"_ she thought. _"When it runs out of juice, I'll get some batteries."_

She finished getting him some gifts (an iTunes gift card and some new Xbox games) and went to check out her purchases.

She drove home and as she took out the bags, she noticed the tag on the Agumon. _"Batteries not included."_

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_  
__**The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:  
**__A male couch potato: __**Stale TV specials  
"Batteries Not Included"  
No parking spaces  
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!  
Charities!  
She's a witch...I hate her!  
Five months of bills!  
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!  
Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?  
Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!  
And finding a Christmas tree  
**_

Cody sat on the couch with the remote, flipping through channels. "Boring… Boring… Boring… There aren't any good Christmas specials on!"

_  
__**The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:**__  
Two men__**: Singing Christmas carols  
Stale TV specials  
"Batteries Not Included"  
No parking?!?  
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!  
Charities!  
Gotta make 'em dinner!  
Five months of bills!  
I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!  
Shut up, you!  
FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!  
And finding a Christmas tree**_

Kari and Matt groaned. They had volunteered at the church to sing Christmas carols to the elderly because Matt was so well known and Kari had a beautiful voice.

They hated singing like that, especially if they were Christmas carols. Songs like "Winter Wonderland" and "Let It Snow". They were really… they were so… well, I can't find a word to describe them. Weirdo-gay-ish type songs, to be honest.

Anyway, the two friends sang and prayed silently to be over. This was torture in itself.

000

Cody sank back onto the couch. "Why do they show the same specials every year?!"

000

Sora gritted her teeth as she started the car up again. "Batteries not included," she hissed, pissed off that the toy didn't come with power. "I don't believe it."

000

Mimi pulled into the lot of a Wendy's, hoping for better luck. All she wanted was a bite to eat! Was that too much to ask?!

"Dammit! No parking spaces!" she cried and slammed her fist against the dashboard. "Why me?! ALL I WANT IS A BURGER, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"

000

Daniel was now crying because his dad wouldn't buy him a candy bar.

"Danny, please, calm down!" Joe begged. "We can have dinner when we get back to Uncle Tai's, but it's too close to meal time."

"NO! I WANNA CANDY BAR! NOW! PLEASE DADDY, PLEASE!!!!!"

They were causing a scene.

"Danny! Stop, now, please!"

"NO! I WANNA HERSHEY BAR!"

This was gonna be a loooooong shopping trip.

000

Ken walked out of the grocery store and there were two young boys wearing ragged clothes. They were carrying an old bucket and holding it out to passersby.

They spotted Ken and reached out their bucket to him. He realized that these two boys were probably homeless and possibly orphans looking for money to buy food. He groaned inwardly and dropped a five-dollar bill into the bucket.

The boys looked at it with delight and cried, "Thank you so much, sir, have a very merry Christmas!"

He gave the two a weak smile and continued on his way.

000

Yolie, meanwhile, had broken down into her sobs again. "I (sob) don't wanna (sob sob sob) have my in-laaaaaaaws!" she wailed, burying her head in her hands.

000

Tai had taken a nap on his bed and dreamed that the little white envelopes were chasing him with forks and knives, screaming, "COME BACK HERE! WE'RE HUNGRY!!!!!"

He sat up in bed, awake and crying. "The bills are out to get me!!!!!"

000

Izzy dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair, a determined look on his face. "That's it, if I can't do them on the computer, I'M NOT DOING THEM AT ALL!!!!!"

000

Davis groaned one more time and stood up, still feeling woozy. "Oh…"

Cody tore his eyes away from the TV. "You shouldn't have had those beers, I tried to tell you. But no, you wouldn't listen. You're too-"

"Shut up, you!" the former goggle-head snapped and stumbled out of the room to critique TK's lighting.

000

TK dropped the garland lights he was trying to wind around the railing of the balcony. "But I think the red would look nicer here," he called down to the place on the lawn where Davis was.

"I SAY GREEN!" he bellowed back, stamping a foot to prove his point.

TK grew an angry shade of red. "YOU KNOW WHAT, DAVIS?! IF YOU'RE SO SMART, _YOU_ PUT UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!" He stormed back inside his room via the window to the balcony, leaving Davis standing aghast on the lawn.

000

**ON CHRISTMAS EVE…**

Tai burrowed back into the couch, Sora leaning on his chest. They sat with TK and Kari in the living room, long after everyone else went to bed.

TK was getting the fire going again and then sat back down next to Kari.

Sora looked at Tai and grinned. She knew he would love his Christmas presents and glanced over at the tree. After all of the trouble it took getting it into the house, it looked beautiful. The angel on top was old and the plastic had been slightly melted in some places, and many of the ornaments were paper ones they had made as little kids, but that didn't matter. It was something that put you in awe.

"Hey, Sor?"

She looked back at Tai's face. "Hm?"

"Merry Christmas," he said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Yeah," she replied, smiling. "Merry Christmas."

0-0-0

**So there you have it. I only took four days, but I'm very proud of my masterpiece. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.**

**YAY for the Taiora at the end! Lol, it took me forever to get it right!**

**I hope you liked it and have a very Merry Christmas!**

**BANDGEEK**


End file.
